Snezana Pantovic

Until May 1999, I was living a “normal” life. My family was highly educated. We belonged to what you might call the upper class. I worked at a university and later on for the state. I lived a few years in Germany, where my kids were born. I still have friends there. It was hard when I realized that Germans also participated in the air campaign. I had a good job and a good life.

On the morning of 7 May 1999, I was at home. I heard the noise of an airplane. I was wondering what they were dropping from the plane. At that time I thought it was better if they were dropping cluster munitions, as I thought they were less dangerous. I lived in the northwest part of Nis, about five km from the airport. The airport was constantly bombed. At 11:20 I heard a big crash, as if something heavy had fallen next to my house. Later I was told that a container fell 20 metres away from my house. Bomblets were falling all around. It looked like Niagara Falls, except it was not water. There was this constant noise of blast, windows exploding. My yard and the trees in the yard were full of bomblets. I understood that it was a cluster munitions strike. I knew what cluster munitions were, I knew they spread all around but then do not move. At first I was paralyzed. The explosions lasted for 15 or 20 minutes. I was looking at my watch during all this time. First I thought of lying down, and then I thought I might die anyway so it was not worth it to seek refuge. My mind was working like crazy. I stood beneath a door. The sound of the aircraft was still there. They were all around. My husband was yelling at me and ordering me to lie down. When the sound stopped, I joined my husband and his parents who were on the another side of the house. We went down in the yard, but there was too much smoke and we couldn’t see each other. We walked into the yard. Bomblets were all around; there was very low visibility. We arrived at our neighbours’ cellar and sought refuge there. My husband left the cellar to see if he could help anyone. He came back 15 minutes later. He was very pale and said everyone was dead. He saw Gita (a cluster munitions survivor) and all our neighbours, including a pregnant woman. It was a horror film. Shortly afterward, the army evacuated us. I was in a total state of shock. My heart was thumping and my knees shaking. De-mining teams arrived the day after and started clearing the area. The next day a second strike destroyed a bridge. I was close to the location. I didn’t die only because I was lucky and had an intuition not to cross that bridge but to choose another direction. In the city centre there were no military targets. When the bombing started I stopped eating. I spent all my time listening to television or radio. I was revolted, I could not understand why civilised countries were committing such criminal acts. Some months later, Serbian helicopters flew over my house. I fainted. I was scared to hear that sound again. I started having high blood pressure; I wasn’t able to leave my house. If I heard thunder or a plane I felt very bad. I still have some reactions, but I can control myself now. For two months I couldn’t get back to my house as clusters were all around. The windows, the walls, roofs, everything was destroyed. The trees in the yard were dead. You can still see holes everywhere. No one provided any risk education, but I was lucky as my husband is ex-military and was able to warn us about the danger of bomblets. I decided to found ULONA, an association that registers the damages (human and physical) of the NATO bombing. I found some 1 000 people in all of southern Serbia who were affected. In 2003 a Commission of the Ministry of Construction evaluated the damages and some people received some type of compensation, but it wasn’t properly done. One day I felt ill and I went to the hospital. The doctors made some checks and told me I felt ill because I could not see. I had developed a premature and atypical form of cataract. It is very unusual to find it in young people. I went for other checks at different health places. The doctors couldn’t explain why this happened. From 2003 to 2005 I was totally blind. I was told that I could be operated on in Russia. Once I was there I finally received a complete diagnosis: The cataracts were a consequence of PTS disorder developed because of the war. I can see now. I don’t feel safe at home yet; I don’t want to go out in the yard. I am afraid there are still some bomblets there. I am also afraid of the eventual consequences of the chemicals spread by the NATO bombs.